Friday, October 31, 2003
praise the Lord! my comp is healed...well, not entirely, but it's working again and all my files were preserved...so yeah, i am extremely thankful to God. was praying really really hard all throughout the appointment while the rcc was working away at fixing the comp. he had to take out my hard drive and put it into his laptop and copy files from his floppy drive and it was just basically a complicated process but that doesn't matter coz now my comp works again! have i mentioned praise the Lord?! i really thank God he brought along this rcc who knew what he was doing, coz the first guy i went to totally was unable to come up with this solution. but yeah, i'm still praying that i will not forget the lessons i've learnt from this whole incident.
1) pray specifically - God gives what you ask for, when i just asked for the comp to return to the error screen from the hard disk being totally dead, that's what i got. 2nd time round i prayed that all my files would be recovered, and God graciously said yes.
2) put your trust in God alone. let me rephrase. put my trust in God alone. jenny was praying for me the other day and one phrase stood out, "help Val to trust in you God, and not in this rcc guy". yes, i am thankful that the rcc guy was very knowledgeable, but at the end of the day it's God who provides.
3) when you're down in the dumps, praise the Lord anyway. it was hard, but when i mustered the strength to say "thank you God, in despite of all that's going on, that you're good", it brought me great peace. i have to learn to say "the Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. blessed me the name of the Lord!"
so yeah...happy ending this time round, God be praised.
oh, and in the midst of all this excitement, forgot one other very important fact...i'm officially a psych major now! my petition to declare my major has been processed, and so this means i won't have the same nightmare getting into classes i had at the beginning of this semester. but yeah...big deal in my life, must celebrate!
1) pray specifically - God gives what you ask for, when i just asked for the comp to return to the error screen from the hard disk being totally dead, that's what i got. 2nd time round i prayed that all my files would be recovered, and God graciously said yes.
2) put your trust in God alone. let me rephrase. put my trust in God alone. jenny was praying for me the other day and one phrase stood out, "help Val to trust in you God, and not in this rcc guy". yes, i am thankful that the rcc guy was very knowledgeable, but at the end of the day it's God who provides.
3) when you're down in the dumps, praise the Lord anyway. it was hard, but when i mustered the strength to say "thank you God, in despite of all that's going on, that you're good", it brought me great peace. i have to learn to say "the Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. blessed me the name of the Lord!"
so yeah...happy ending this time round, God be praised.
oh, and in the midst of all this excitement, forgot one other very important fact...i'm officially a psych major now! my petition to declare my major has been processed, and so this means i won't have the same nightmare getting into classes i had at the beginning of this semester. but yeah...big deal in my life, must celebrate!
was doing qt this morning and guess what...i was looking through some of the old songsheets from navs and i came across this song.
"I'm giving You my heart
And all that is within
I lay it all down
For the sake of You my King
I'm giving You my dreams
I'm laying down my rights
I'm giving up my pride
For the promise of new life
And I surrender all to You, all to You
I surrender all to You, all to You"
talk about humbling myself before God and giving up my grades to him...like i said, God is never boring. third time he's telling me the same thing in 2 days, guess i'd better pay attention!
"I'm giving You my heart
And all that is within
I lay it all down
For the sake of You my King
I'm giving You my dreams
I'm laying down my rights
I'm giving up my pride
For the promise of new life
And I surrender all to You, all to You
I surrender all to You, all to You"
talk about humbling myself before God and giving up my grades to him...like i said, God is never boring. third time he's telling me the same thing in 2 days, guess i'd better pay attention!
Thursday, October 30, 2003
just got back from navs...had a blast. everyone was in a super hyper mood today for some reason, so we were rowdier than usual. it's pretty amazing...this morning i was mailing my mom about how i didn't do as well in my psych midterm as i thought i would, i was telling her how maybe God was trying to humble me. i meant it when i said it, but inside...i guess maybe i still half-scoffed at the idea. well, tonight at navs we had a guest speaker and he was talking about how to develop a deep, mature spirituality we have to learn how to trust God totally and rely on him, and sometimes the only way we learn how to do that is to go through testing and humbling. and he gave the example about getting good grades...why do we want good grades? sometimes we start to lean on our grades as a crutch, at berkeley that's not too uncommon...and i can speak for myself at least and say, yeah...sometimes i want good grades for selfish reason, so maybe God is trying to humble me in a way. when the same idea strikes you twice it's not by accident...and the passage was even the same one that i was reading during QT today...in john, about Jesus being the vine and us the branches. so you see, God is never boring...when he drums in the same lesson twice he does it in a variety of ways...we've just got to open our ears and listen!
tomorrow's halloween so everyone's dressing up and going for parties and stuff. there was a program in my hall where some elementary school kids came trick or treating on our floor, we gave out candy (it was quite meagre, there were 15 pieces of candy for 10 kids per room), or rather my roommate did coz i was away at navs. but yeah, my hallmates decorated the hall with streamers, balloons, cobwebs...oh, and they put up a poster that had everyone on the floor as a "ghost" and each ghost had a speech bubble...guess what mine said, "i hate yellow!", ha...no surprise. but yeah, can't believe halloween is such a big thing here, in my way of thinking it's just another ploy to get consumers to spend money.
ok, getting late, i'm going to study for a bit (typed for a bed at first, ha, that's where my heart is) and then turn in. praying that my computer will be working perfectly by this time tomorrow!
tomorrow's halloween so everyone's dressing up and going for parties and stuff. there was a program in my hall where some elementary school kids came trick or treating on our floor, we gave out candy (it was quite meagre, there were 15 pieces of candy for 10 kids per room), or rather my roommate did coz i was away at navs. but yeah, my hallmates decorated the hall with streamers, balloons, cobwebs...oh, and they put up a poster that had everyone on the floor as a "ghost" and each ghost had a speech bubble...guess what mine said, "i hate yellow!", ha...no surprise. but yeah, can't believe halloween is such a big thing here, in my way of thinking it's just another ploy to get consumers to spend money.
ok, getting late, i'm going to study for a bit (typed for a bed at first, ha, that's where my heart is) and then turn in. praying that my computer will be working perfectly by this time tomorrow!
k, first off, i really have to pee, so this will be quick.
secondly, it probably wasn't a good idea to announce that online.
third...today's a cold day, what's with the weather?
fourth, suffering from mosquito attack again...2 bites, one on each sole, guess life is pretty fair huh.
lastly, i'll continue tonight, really can't take it anymore.
(chris: peace, peace, peace...i'll have such peace in my...)
secondly, it probably wasn't a good idea to announce that online.
third...today's a cold day, what's with the weather?
fourth, suffering from mosquito attack again...2 bites, one on each sole, guess life is pretty fair huh.
lastly, i'll continue tonight, really can't take it anymore.
(chris: peace, peace, peace...i'll have such peace in my...)
Wednesday, October 29, 2003
had my first discipling session with jenny today...sort of the american version of mentoring, coz it's one-on-one and more intense. i think this is really going to help me grow. it's funny how God answers prayer, coz a few days ago i was really praying that he would show me the direction he wanted my life to take. i didn't want to just drift through life and include God "by accident", i wanted to make sure he was the focus and center of my life...but wasn't sure what they looked like, so i prayed he'd reveal it to me somehow, and today we talked about what discipling is supposed to achieve...one of the main aims is for me to "map" out my life according to what God wants it to be...it's definitely not a coincidence. second time in the week i have really been struck by how God answers prayer...he is infinitely good. think this will definitely help me grow in him.
listening to miss saigon now, and one of the songs expressed perfectly how i felt two days ago, don't feel bad anymore, i'm in a pretty good mood now in fact, but i just thought the words fit so nicely.
"there are days, when your life clouds over
and the world gets so dark
that all at once you can't tell night from day
there are times, when your heart cries
this isn't happening
but the truth is cold and real
and i know this storm
won't go away..."
but thank God the storm has gone away...thanks in part to wonderful friends (got to say a special thanks to kev here =)) and support that God always provides. people in navigators have been wonderful as well...as i said, God is infinitely good!
listening to miss saigon now, and one of the songs expressed perfectly how i felt two days ago, don't feel bad anymore, i'm in a pretty good mood now in fact, but i just thought the words fit so nicely.
"there are days, when your life clouds over
and the world gets so dark
that all at once you can't tell night from day
there are times, when your heart cries
this isn't happening
but the truth is cold and real
and i know this storm
won't go away..."
but thank God the storm has gone away...thanks in part to wonderful friends (got to say a special thanks to kev here =)) and support that God always provides. people in navigators have been wonderful as well...as i said, God is infinitely good!
went kickboxing yesterday, it was extremely tiring, but a good workout...was a different teacher from the one on sunday. the sunday instructress was more about combinations and different moves, requires more coordination than stamina, yesterday's instructor was all about repetitions and endurance, so it got a bit monotonous at times, although it was definitely more worthwhile exercise-wise. the timing wasn't too nice though, the class runs from 6.30 to 7.30. by the time it was over and we went to have dinner (a long one as usual), it was 9 o clock, so that was most of the night gone.
don't like it now that it gets dark by 5.30 (coz of daylight saving, there are more bright hours earlier in the day)...always makes me feel like the day is over. can understand why people suffer from winter blues. not that it's anything like winter yet! yesterday it was so hot in san jose (one hour away from berkeley), that the record high temperature since 1913 was broken, can you imagine? but today's not so bad already...there's a breeze, and it's supposed to rain by friday. i sure hope it doesn't, my church is having a retreat at the santa cruz mountains, which i can only half go for since i have my american institutions exam on saturday, right smack in the middle of the retreat. just as well i found someone driving up on saturday, otherwise i wouldn't be able to attend it at all. wish me luck for the exam, hope i can keep all the facts straight in my mind and remember relevant examples!
don't like it now that it gets dark by 5.30 (coz of daylight saving, there are more bright hours earlier in the day)...always makes me feel like the day is over. can understand why people suffer from winter blues. not that it's anything like winter yet! yesterday it was so hot in san jose (one hour away from berkeley), that the record high temperature since 1913 was broken, can you imagine? but today's not so bad already...there's a breeze, and it's supposed to rain by friday. i sure hope it doesn't, my church is having a retreat at the santa cruz mountains, which i can only half go for since i have my american institutions exam on saturday, right smack in the middle of the retreat. just as well i found someone driving up on saturday, otherwise i wouldn't be able to attend it at all. wish me luck for the exam, hope i can keep all the facts straight in my mind and remember relevant examples!
Tuesday, October 28, 2003
sorry about that extremely stinted blog yesterday, i was really in no frame of mind to provide more information than that. i was depressed but couldn't cry, in pain but the pricks didn't mean anything. it might sound like an exaggeration, but it was really abysmal, and not a pleasant experience.
anyway, the story is...what's new...computer problems again. see, my comp hung for no reason and when i tried to restart it i was told a registry file was either missing or corrupt, and i needed the original bootup cdrom to fix the problem. not a big issue, just get the cd and reboot the comp. 2 complications: i dídn't have the cd, and i don't have a cdrom drive. my comp has an external cdrom drive and the guy who sold it to me couldn't find it so he didn't pass it to me when i got the comp (he's still looking for it, hopefully really hard right now!). but yeah...so the other thing i could do is look for someone else with an external cdrom drive, and hope that works immediately when plugged in (not a 100% guarantee, but not entirely hopeless too), so i found someone else with an external cd rom drive, but in the meantime...these 3 computer-savvy (or supposedly) guys on my floor were trying to do all sorts of things with it, force it into ms-dos, using floppies instead, what not...and in the middle of that process, suddenly the comp just refused to cooperate. it would turn on, beep 4 times, then turn itself back off. so we all thought the hard disk was dead, and there was nothing anyone else could do. now this really distressed me, coz it's the 2nd comp in this semester to give me that scare...well, couldn't do anything, so i went to bed, praying really hard all the time. in fact, i was praying all through the night (couldn't really sleep well as you can imagine), and i got up this morning still praying and praying. was doing qt, when it struck me...my comp had been unplugged from the charger for quite some time, maybe it was just the battery dying, and not the hard disk, so i plugged it in to see, and thank God! i was right...so now i still have the problem of the missing registry files, but at least that's something i can work on. i was so grateful that God had answered my prayer (somewhat) that i was literally kneeling down, thanking him. think if my roommate had woken up at that time she would have been in shock. but yeah, pls pray that i'll get this sorted out soon, that i'll find a cdrom drive that works, or that the guy who sold me the comp will find his (pray that he'll get on it! have a feeling he isn't trying very hard).
but other than that, yesterday was a pretty good day. got back my english midterm, got an A, yay! without the minus this time...got back my psych midterm today, i got 89/100, which is one mark short of an A, so i'll have to do really well for the final to pull an A off, but it's doable. and got back my shakespeare paper today as well, got a B (kinda expected it, didn't have time to see the reader for him to check my paper before turning it in), but there's one more due and the final's worth a lot more, so if i try really hard i could still manage an A.
but all that aside, yesterday i had navigators small group...after the meeting was over, i was asking my roommate to take a picture of the rest of the girls in the group, when suddenly the door burst open and the guys (who had been having small group meeting upstairs) came in singing "a very happy unbirthday, to you, to you!" to me (cf my alice in wonderland entry two days ago), and you can imagine...i was totally confused, and in shock. even more so, when they hauled out this chocolate cake. turns out they decided to celebrate my birthday (very very belatedly!) even though it was over because they didn't get the chance to do it on the actual day. don't ask...i'm still puzzled as to what inspired it, but it was truly touching. there were so many people in my room eating cake it was funny. think my floormates must have been thoroughly confused and thinking, "how many birthdays a year does this girl have?"...but yeah, thank God for small blessings.
well, off to study now, hope i can get my comp fixed soon...pls pls pray! would really appreciate all the divine help i can get.
anyway, the story is...what's new...computer problems again. see, my comp hung for no reason and when i tried to restart it i was told a registry file was either missing or corrupt, and i needed the original bootup cdrom to fix the problem. not a big issue, just get the cd and reboot the comp. 2 complications: i dídn't have the cd, and i don't have a cdrom drive. my comp has an external cdrom drive and the guy who sold it to me couldn't find it so he didn't pass it to me when i got the comp (he's still looking for it, hopefully really hard right now!). but yeah...so the other thing i could do is look for someone else with an external cdrom drive, and hope that works immediately when plugged in (not a 100% guarantee, but not entirely hopeless too), so i found someone else with an external cd rom drive, but in the meantime...these 3 computer-savvy (or supposedly) guys on my floor were trying to do all sorts of things with it, force it into ms-dos, using floppies instead, what not...and in the middle of that process, suddenly the comp just refused to cooperate. it would turn on, beep 4 times, then turn itself back off. so we all thought the hard disk was dead, and there was nothing anyone else could do. now this really distressed me, coz it's the 2nd comp in this semester to give me that scare...well, couldn't do anything, so i went to bed, praying really hard all the time. in fact, i was praying all through the night (couldn't really sleep well as you can imagine), and i got up this morning still praying and praying. was doing qt, when it struck me...my comp had been unplugged from the charger for quite some time, maybe it was just the battery dying, and not the hard disk, so i plugged it in to see, and thank God! i was right...so now i still have the problem of the missing registry files, but at least that's something i can work on. i was so grateful that God had answered my prayer (somewhat) that i was literally kneeling down, thanking him. think if my roommate had woken up at that time she would have been in shock. but yeah, pls pray that i'll get this sorted out soon, that i'll find a cdrom drive that works, or that the guy who sold me the comp will find his (pray that he'll get on it! have a feeling he isn't trying very hard).
but other than that, yesterday was a pretty good day. got back my english midterm, got an A, yay! without the minus this time...got back my psych midterm today, i got 89/100, which is one mark short of an A, so i'll have to do really well for the final to pull an A off, but it's doable. and got back my shakespeare paper today as well, got a B (kinda expected it, didn't have time to see the reader for him to check my paper before turning it in), but there's one more due and the final's worth a lot more, so if i try really hard i could still manage an A.
but all that aside, yesterday i had navigators small group...after the meeting was over, i was asking my roommate to take a picture of the rest of the girls in the group, when suddenly the door burst open and the guys (who had been having small group meeting upstairs) came in singing "a very happy unbirthday, to you, to you!" to me (cf my alice in wonderland entry two days ago), and you can imagine...i was totally confused, and in shock. even more so, when they hauled out this chocolate cake. turns out they decided to celebrate my birthday (very very belatedly!) even though it was over because they didn't get the chance to do it on the actual day. don't ask...i'm still puzzled as to what inspired it, but it was truly touching. there were so many people in my room eating cake it was funny. think my floormates must have been thoroughly confused and thinking, "how many birthdays a year does this girl have?"...but yeah, thank God for small blessings.
well, off to study now, hope i can get my comp fixed soon...pls pls pray! would really appreciate all the divine help i can get.
Monday, October 27, 2003
distress, pain, don't know what to do. can't write now. will tell all tomorrow.
Sunday, October 26, 2003
hot hot day! but by thursday the temperature is supposed to plummet and we'll return to the regular cold weather we should be having over here at this time of year.
went kickboxing today...it was pretty fun, jab jab undercut, jab jab kick...ha, and a good workout too. and for some strange reason it wasn't that unbearably hot during the kickboxing session. i mean, obviously i was sweating...but that was coz of the workout, not coz it's super stuffy.
church was good too...although hot, so it made me feel sleepy. my pastor talked about needing to go through trials to build up character and spiritual maturity. mentioned that he has been pastoring for 14 years, and he's only 34, so he started really young! awesome guy.
going off to study now, weekend's over, sob.
went kickboxing today...it was pretty fun, jab jab undercut, jab jab kick...ha, and a good workout too. and for some strange reason it wasn't that unbearably hot during the kickboxing session. i mean, obviously i was sweating...but that was coz of the workout, not coz it's super stuffy.
church was good too...although hot, so it made me feel sleepy. my pastor talked about needing to go through trials to build up character and spiritual maturity. mentioned that he has been pastoring for 14 years, and he's only 34, so he started really young! awesome guy.
going off to study now, weekend's over, sob.
daylight saving has started, so now we're 16 hours behind s'pore instead of 15, like we weren't slow enough before...pacific time is almost the slowest (only faster than hawaii), gives me the sense that we're near enough the edge of the world to fall off...illogical as that might sound. i'll have less time to chat with everyone in the mornings coz by the time i get online it'll be one hour later for you guys than it used to be, which might be a good thing for me...might get more studying done, ha. had an extra hour today coz of daylight saving, but it wasn't much use coz i got up at 6.30 (which would be my regular time of 7.30 before adjustment for daylight saving), forced myself to sleep in some more and finally gave up trying at 7.15. got up, did laundry, studied a bit then came online, so it was pretty productive after all.
last night i went to jenny's for a "board game" session, played cranium and taboo...was pretty fun. these graduate students from campus crusade joined us, don't know how they knew about it, but one of them was this white guy who talked good chinese! wow...think he must be more fluent than i am, he did missions in china for 2 years, so he had lots of practice there. anyway...that was really fun, came back to my dorm and my friend on the 8th floor was screening "alice in wonderland", which is a truly weird disney cartoon...but i went to watch it anyway and had to really try to stay awake through "a very happy unbirthday, to me? to me! a very unhappy birthday, to you...to you!". after i got back to my room, my roommate was just about to start watching virgin suicides, so i watched the first disc with her...another truly morbid movie, but i got too sleepy after the first disc was over, so i went to bed. now got to find time to finish up the second one, coz i don't like to watch movies halfway.
right...going to finish checking my mail, then i've to read 2 essays by virginia woolf, start reading her novel to the lighthouse, and start work on my english essay. oh, that's after i get back from church, got to leave for church in about an hour, so i'll probably only be able to finish the essays before then.
chris is on friendster! yippee...
last night i went to jenny's for a "board game" session, played cranium and taboo...was pretty fun. these graduate students from campus crusade joined us, don't know how they knew about it, but one of them was this white guy who talked good chinese! wow...think he must be more fluent than i am, he did missions in china for 2 years, so he had lots of practice there. anyway...that was really fun, came back to my dorm and my friend on the 8th floor was screening "alice in wonderland", which is a truly weird disney cartoon...but i went to watch it anyway and had to really try to stay awake through "a very happy unbirthday, to me? to me! a very unhappy birthday, to you...to you!". after i got back to my room, my roommate was just about to start watching virgin suicides, so i watched the first disc with her...another truly morbid movie, but i got too sleepy after the first disc was over, so i went to bed. now got to find time to finish up the second one, coz i don't like to watch movies halfway.
right...going to finish checking my mail, then i've to read 2 essays by virginia woolf, start reading her novel to the lighthouse, and start work on my english essay. oh, that's after i get back from church, got to leave for church in about an hour, so i'll probably only be able to finish the essays before then.
chris is on friendster! yippee...
Saturday, October 25, 2003
didn't blog last night...got back too late, and i had a bad headache, which i hoped i could sleep off, but it's still there today, although it's slightly better (chris: please get well soon!). anyway, last night went to celebrate 2 of my friends' birthdays at this restaurant called taiwan fan dian, we had a set meal for 10 people which cost $64.80...and that's really a decent price, but get this...that didn't include rice, we had to pay for it separately, and they charged us $10 for rice! gosh...i feel outraged just thinking about it, $10 for rice? we could buy many sacks of rice with that amount.
after that a few of us went to the krispy kreme "factory" in pinole. krispy kreme is an extremely popular chain of donuts...super sweet kind, glazed with lots of icing. it's a sort of factory because you can look into their kitchen and see the machines at work, it's pretty fascinating seeing how the donuts are flipped and glazed, the donuts ride on this conveyor belt and literally go through a waterfall of sugar to come out iced...we stood there looking like we had never seen donuts before. well, we'd never seen them made that way before! i unabashedly took pictures of the machine, although my friends accused me of being touristy...heh, can't be paiseh when it comes to things like that, got to capture the moment! oh, and everyone who goes there gets a free donut...it was so good, right of the rack, it was warm and soft inside. vic: if you ever come visit me, that's where we must bring you, your paradise! after that we went to in-and-out burger, which is probably the best fast food chain in this part of america...amazing how my friends could still wolf down burgers and fries, i sat and watched...coz i was so full already by then.
came back and fell into bed, hoping that this morning the throb in my head would be gone...it sort of is as i type this now, hope it stays that way.
after that a few of us went to the krispy kreme "factory" in pinole. krispy kreme is an extremely popular chain of donuts...super sweet kind, glazed with lots of icing. it's a sort of factory because you can look into their kitchen and see the machines at work, it's pretty fascinating seeing how the donuts are flipped and glazed, the donuts ride on this conveyor belt and literally go through a waterfall of sugar to come out iced...we stood there looking like we had never seen donuts before. well, we'd never seen them made that way before! i unabashedly took pictures of the machine, although my friends accused me of being touristy...heh, can't be paiseh when it comes to things like that, got to capture the moment! oh, and everyone who goes there gets a free donut...it was so good, right of the rack, it was warm and soft inside. vic: if you ever come visit me, that's where we must bring you, your paradise! after that we went to in-and-out burger, which is probably the best fast food chain in this part of america...amazing how my friends could still wolf down burgers and fries, i sat and watched...coz i was so full already by then.
came back and fell into bed, hoping that this morning the throb in my head would be gone...it sort of is as i type this now, hope it stays that way.
Friday, October 24, 2003
some more pics...these aren't really new, but just got them from my friend. was a midautumn festival celebration we had in school, think i blogged about it, the one where we had this "scavenger hunt" before we got to eat mooncakes. the pics are quite small (or rather i am quite small in them) coz they are group pics, but for your perusal pleasure...here they are.
midautumn festival
as always, email add: eirelav_conundrum@yahoo.com
password: valerie
midautumn festival
as always, email add: eirelav_conundrum@yahoo.com
password: valerie
Thursday, October 23, 2003
navs was so good today, just what i needed...a really great, unbroken time of being in God's presence...danny talked about obedience and why it's important to God, but the really good time came during our version of "ministry time" where we just really sat in God's presence and offered ourselves up as living sacrifices to him. danny was praying and he said, "make us pure again", and that really struck me, coz my qt these few days have been about the beattitude "blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God"...God truly speaks in more ways than one.
To you Lord I bow
For you Lord I live
And my heart's desire is for you
To you Lord I bow
For you Lord I live
And my heart's desire is for you
sudden pang of homesickness. symptom: can't type complete sentences. cause: not sure, maybe causes? maybe sound of laughing baby, maybe sight of happy parents playing with laughing baby. cure: projection (ha, this is a psych joke, sorry)...into the future, countdown, more days than i have fingers and toes, not helping. diagnosis: do homework, rewrite paper, suppression is key (another psych joke, maybe another symptom: cracking bad psych jokes no one else understands?). post blog, remember to publish it, move on.
i think i'm growing absent minded...i typed up my blog yesterday and posted it, but i forgot to publish it. so in case you were wondering about the silence, ha...my bad.
trillian crashed this morning, and i had to upload my icq contacts all over again, manually too...coz i couldn't figure out how to upload the entire list. well, actually i did know how to do it...had to save my icq contacts and then open the file in trillian, but i couldn't save the contacts for some reason, maybe it's coz i'm using icq lite...have to look into it, uploading the contacts manually just took way too much time, wasn't productive at all!
anyway, got a short break till class at 2...then i'm going for my last rpp...yay, guinea pig for the last time, this semester at least. and today i shall remember to publish this after it's posted.
trillian crashed this morning, and i had to upload my icq contacts all over again, manually too...coz i couldn't figure out how to upload the entire list. well, actually i did know how to do it...had to save my icq contacts and then open the file in trillian, but i couldn't save the contacts for some reason, maybe it's coz i'm using icq lite...have to look into it, uploading the contacts manually just took way too much time, wasn't productive at all!
anyway, got a short break till class at 2...then i'm going for my last rpp...yay, guinea pig for the last time, this semester at least. and today i shall remember to publish this after it's posted.
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
very small, on the middle of the well, in between two square tiles, the words peep out behind the surface of the ceramic, so tiny they're barely there, you wouldn't notice except by accident...but when by accident your eyes fall on them, the words shout at you, their loud message reverberates and breaks through the seeming shackles that hold them back. "i shall live!", they cry out, and you want to applaud, and cry at the same time, because it sounds feeble even to your own ears. the strength behind the words seems eclipsed by the larger, harsher surroundings...you want to root for the underdog, but you're not sure the underdog wants to be rooted for. i shall live...he, she, it said...but what were they fighting that made it a challenge to survive? or maybe it doesn't matter what they were fighting, because the cry is universal...i shall live...isn't that what we're all striving for? even the happiest of people say deep down inside of them...i shall live...like they won't be happy unless they do so. it is a mantra we chant to get us through the worst of days, it is a thought that sings inside us on the best, it's a rhythm that sets the pace of our heartbeat. i shall live...but to what end? the words, very small, on the middle of the wall, in between two square tiles seem an act of desperation, yet one laced with hope, like the prisoner who carves marks on his cell wall to count the days...days spent locked up, or days left to freedom? the distinction hardly matters...the act of counting in itself a tribute to life. i shall live...very small, on the middle of the wall, in between two squre tiles, but still there...life, struggling, breaking through...i shall live.
~~~
it's amazing what bathroom graffitti (chris, hdysi?) can make you think of...it's amazing what you look out for when you're peeing! ok, maybe it's just me.
went for my friend's bday dinner tonight, spent a lot of money on her bday present and dinner...not that i grudge her that or anything, but it was an american friend...when my s'porean friends celebrate birthdays, we always do it very economically, whereas the americans just splurge.
we blindfolded her all the way to the restaurant (a mexican place called chevvy's, mexican food not exactly my favorite though), and put on this tiara for her. at the restaurant, it was practically everyone else's birthday as well...the restaurant ppl do this clapping thing for their birthday guests and give them free dessert...they sure gave out a lot of free desserts tonight!
anyway, it's getting late, so i'll keep this short.
~~~
it's amazing what bathroom graffitti (chris, hdysi?) can make you think of...it's amazing what you look out for when you're peeing! ok, maybe it's just me.
went for my friend's bday dinner tonight, spent a lot of money on her bday present and dinner...not that i grudge her that or anything, but it was an american friend...when my s'porean friends celebrate birthdays, we always do it very economically, whereas the americans just splurge.
we blindfolded her all the way to the restaurant (a mexican place called chevvy's, mexican food not exactly my favorite though), and put on this tiara for her. at the restaurant, it was practically everyone else's birthday as well...the restaurant ppl do this clapping thing for their birthday guests and give them free dessert...they sure gave out a lot of free desserts tonight!
anyway, it's getting late, so i'll keep this short.
yay! the midterm's over...it was pretty easy, the easiest of all my midterms so far in fact. this is really make me reconsider my decision to minor in english, it's my english classes that are giving me trouble. well, not really trouble, but i spend way much more time on them then i do my psych classes, and that just doesn't make sense when i'm a psych major...should i take the risk and let the english classes mess up my gpa? really don't know what to do, sigh...got to pray for wisdom. going to a workshop later on on applying to grad sch in psychology, i'm sure they'll talk about important things i really need to hear, might end up stressing me out even more! then i have my friend's birthday dinner tonight, so many birthdays round the corner, i'm feeling broke...
i had a productive morning...prepared for my psych midterm, read the right shakespeare play this time, read my english essay by gertrude stein, finished my english reading notes for friday...took the psych midterm...now i have to think of an essay topic for english (see what i mean about english being more trouble than psych?). it feels good to get work done!
oh yeah kev, i do miss ban mian, ha...not long more before i can eat it again! =)
i had a productive morning...prepared for my psych midterm, read the right shakespeare play this time, read my english essay by gertrude stein, finished my english reading notes for friday...took the psych midterm...now i have to think of an essay topic for english (see what i mean about english being more trouble than psych?). it feels good to get work done!
oh yeah kev, i do miss ban mian, ha...not long more before i can eat it again! =)
Tuesday, October 21, 2003
just got back from dinner at jenny's, it was sooo fun. me and my roommate tracy were invited, along with the 2 guys who host the guys' small group meeting (vince and his roommate shen), danny and milton were there too (the other navs' staff) and they happen to be roommates, so it was a "roommate dinner". after dinner we sat around and played this game called "loaded questions", it was really fun, hard to describe though. basically there's a gameboard and to win you have to move from one end to the other, but the real point of the game is that on your turn you pick a card and ask a question, for example "where is the most embarrassing place to be caught naked?" and everyone has to answer the question on a sheet of paper...the player before you collects all the answers and reads them aloud, and you have to guess who gave which answer, for every right answer you match to a player, you get to move one step ahead...people took a long time to answer the questions and then guess who had given which answer. except on one question, "what's the worst thing you've witnessed?", i wrote "naked old women" and my roommate guessed it was my answer right away, coz i had just been complaining about the communal showers at the gym, ha...
midterm tomorrow! got to go study, and read measure for measure, which i would have been done with by now if i hadn't read the wrong play, still can't believe i did that!
midterm tomorrow! got to go study, and read measure for measure, which i would have been done with by now if i hadn't read the wrong play, still can't believe i did that!
just got back from the gym, it was super crowded today for some reason, spent 25 minutes sitting around, waiting for a free machine. "found" one of my friends there, so at least i had company, plus i had my notes with me, so i used the time to revise for my midterm...which is tomorrow! can't wait for it to be over, then i can start worrying about my american institutions exam, ha...the stress never ends. got to start thinking about an english paper as well...hate it that the teacher doesn't give out topics, think coming up with a topic is the hardest part of writing the paper.
today was my early day, hate tuesdays...k, hate is a strong word, but it's definitely not my favorite day. the worst part is walking to my 11 o'clock class, coz the two classes are a 15 minute walk apart even when i walk briskly, but i only have 10 minutes max to get there. that's provided my gsi doesn't go over time...usually she doesn't, but since we have a midterm tomorrow, people were asking lots of questions even though class was officially over, and of course i wanted to stay around to listen to her answers! so yeah, was a little late for class, just as well it wasn't a quiz day (was my shakespeare class). talking about shakespeare...can't be more annoyed at myself, i've been reading julius caesar in preparation for thursday's class, and i was almost done with it, when i realized that i'd been reading the wrong play, supposed to read measure for measure instead! just in well i've read that before...sigh.
going to jenny's for dinner in a while, should be good...right now i feel quite sleepy, but must stay awake and finish studying for my midterm since i don't have the night to do it.
today was my early day, hate tuesdays...k, hate is a strong word, but it's definitely not my favorite day. the worst part is walking to my 11 o'clock class, coz the two classes are a 15 minute walk apart even when i walk briskly, but i only have 10 minutes max to get there. that's provided my gsi doesn't go over time...usually she doesn't, but since we have a midterm tomorrow, people were asking lots of questions even though class was officially over, and of course i wanted to stay around to listen to her answers! so yeah, was a little late for class, just as well it wasn't a quiz day (was my shakespeare class). talking about shakespeare...can't be more annoyed at myself, i've been reading julius caesar in preparation for thursday's class, and i was almost done with it, when i realized that i'd been reading the wrong play, supposed to read measure for measure instead! just in well i've read that before...sigh.
going to jenny's for dinner in a while, should be good...right now i feel quite sleepy, but must stay awake and finish studying for my midterm since i don't have the night to do it.
Monday, October 20, 2003
have so much to say i don't know where to start, it's been a really busy day...let me try to organize my thoughts so i can do this in a coherent fashion.
ok, first part of the day was pretty normal, woke up, did homework, went online, went for class, went for lunch...after that's when the busy part starts. had another rpp today (that thing where i'm a guinea pig remember?). you know how in movies scientists do their research in these dark, danky labs that pretty much look like prison alleys...well, today's rpp was in the basement of the psychology building (my 2nd home, tolman hall)...it was literally like walking into the dungeons on my way there. the corridors were narrow and deserted, and led to all these different rooms with their doors tightly shut. it was lit by white flourescent lamps, but still somehow had that dim, dingy look...if i had been in a movie, there would have been scary music playing in the background. but whatever, dramatics aside, the rpp room itself was nice-looking, and it was over pretty fast. they tested my typing speed..."the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog" etc...then asked me a bunch of questions and it was done.
went for english lecture after that, my teacher's still on his "paintings" series, so he turned all the lights off to show us slides, and it was really hard to stay awake, didn't help that my 2 friends (one on my left, the other on my right) were nodding away, and the friend on my right (kelly) just gave up trying and put her head down and slept through the entire thing. not that it made much of a difference staying awake anyway, coz i have no clue what my teacher was trying to put across. should have brought my computer with me, coz i had a review session for my psych midterm at 5.30 (my english class ends at 4), so it's quite pointless to walk back to the dorm only to have to leave it again. needed to go to the library to read a book that's on one day reserve so i can't check it out, but i need to make notes in my computer, and since i didn't have that with me i decided to just go back to my dorm. went back, sat down for a while, then had to get up and leave for my review session.
review session lasted till 6.45...was walking back for bible study and i started chatting with this random guy who came out of the review session as well, talked to him about the psych classes he was taking, and it was only at the end of the conversation i found out he's not a psych major even though he's taking 4 psych classes (that's twice what i'm taking!). crazy.
yeah, then had bible study...today's study was on temptation, got into some pretty deep questions. why does God allow temptation over and over again, how does it serve to glorify God if we decide not to give in to the temptation to cheat and end up getting a C on the test? some hard questions raised...and we had a good discussion. it was really funny, about 15 minutes into the discussion, my next door neighbor mike suddenly came in and said, "i've been hearing you talk for too long, i'm going to join in"...we all kind of stared at him for a while, and then i blurted out, "but mike...it's an all-girls group". ha, how embarassing...we told him the guys were meeting on the 8th floor and he could go join them if he wanted (he's not a christian), and apparently he decided to, so that's cool! it's also cool that bible study is in my room, coz though my roommate tracy doesn't take part in the actualy study, she's there passively listening to everything we say. after everybody had gone back, i was telling her about my english class and how i was falling asleep, and she said, "temptation! you've got to watch out!". ha...which all goes to show that she does absorb something from our discussions after all. (chris: fawey loco!) yeah...now i'm blogging after a pretty eventful day. tomorrow's my long day so it's going to be equally exciting, plus i'm going to jenny's house for dinner...she's my bible study group leader, invited me and tracy over for dinner.
oh, got some bad news...the mentoring place called to say they can't reimburse me for my tb testing coz they had budget cuts, now i'm $20 poorer for no good reason! sigh...
oh, finally got my photos online...it's really cool, snapfish develops non-digital pics and puts them online for you, so go check it out.
new photos
email add: eirelav_conundrum@yahoo.com
password: valerie
ok, first part of the day was pretty normal, woke up, did homework, went online, went for class, went for lunch...after that's when the busy part starts. had another rpp today (that thing where i'm a guinea pig remember?). you know how in movies scientists do their research in these dark, danky labs that pretty much look like prison alleys...well, today's rpp was in the basement of the psychology building (my 2nd home, tolman hall)...it was literally like walking into the dungeons on my way there. the corridors were narrow and deserted, and led to all these different rooms with their doors tightly shut. it was lit by white flourescent lamps, but still somehow had that dim, dingy look...if i had been in a movie, there would have been scary music playing in the background. but whatever, dramatics aside, the rpp room itself was nice-looking, and it was over pretty fast. they tested my typing speed..."the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog" etc...then asked me a bunch of questions and it was done.
went for english lecture after that, my teacher's still on his "paintings" series, so he turned all the lights off to show us slides, and it was really hard to stay awake, didn't help that my 2 friends (one on my left, the other on my right) were nodding away, and the friend on my right (kelly) just gave up trying and put her head down and slept through the entire thing. not that it made much of a difference staying awake anyway, coz i have no clue what my teacher was trying to put across. should have brought my computer with me, coz i had a review session for my psych midterm at 5.30 (my english class ends at 4), so it's quite pointless to walk back to the dorm only to have to leave it again. needed to go to the library to read a book that's on one day reserve so i can't check it out, but i need to make notes in my computer, and since i didn't have that with me i decided to just go back to my dorm. went back, sat down for a while, then had to get up and leave for my review session.
review session lasted till 6.45...was walking back for bible study and i started chatting with this random guy who came out of the review session as well, talked to him about the psych classes he was taking, and it was only at the end of the conversation i found out he's not a psych major even though he's taking 4 psych classes (that's twice what i'm taking!). crazy.
yeah, then had bible study...today's study was on temptation, got into some pretty deep questions. why does God allow temptation over and over again, how does it serve to glorify God if we decide not to give in to the temptation to cheat and end up getting a C on the test? some hard questions raised...and we had a good discussion. it was really funny, about 15 minutes into the discussion, my next door neighbor mike suddenly came in and said, "i've been hearing you talk for too long, i'm going to join in"...we all kind of stared at him for a while, and then i blurted out, "but mike...it's an all-girls group". ha, how embarassing...we told him the guys were meeting on the 8th floor and he could go join them if he wanted (he's not a christian), and apparently he decided to, so that's cool! it's also cool that bible study is in my room, coz though my roommate tracy doesn't take part in the actualy study, she's there passively listening to everything we say. after everybody had gone back, i was telling her about my english class and how i was falling asleep, and she said, "temptation! you've got to watch out!". ha...which all goes to show that she does absorb something from our discussions after all. (chris: fawey loco!) yeah...now i'm blogging after a pretty eventful day. tomorrow's my long day so it's going to be equally exciting, plus i'm going to jenny's house for dinner...she's my bible study group leader, invited me and tracy over for dinner.
oh, got some bad news...the mentoring place called to say they can't reimburse me for my tb testing coz they had budget cuts, now i'm $20 poorer for no good reason! sigh...
oh, finally got my photos online...it's really cool, snapfish develops non-digital pics and puts them online for you, so go check it out.
new photos
email add: eirelav_conundrum@yahoo.com
password: valerie
Sunday, October 19, 2003
had a long 40 minute nap (typed 40 hour at first!) today...woke up feeling really guilty, that's a long nap for me. usually don't do things like that, but i was super drowsy at church today, and when i came back my roommate wasn't in, so there was no one to keep me awake, i fell asleep and the next thing i knew so much time had passed.
church was good today (despite my sleepiness), had an extended time of worship and waiting on God, everytime I spend time in God's presence it strikes me how i really don't do it often enough, and how much i miss doing it, which makes me wonder why i don't do it more often...life is cruel in a sense, sucks such beautiful moments away from us with a whirlwind of less important things, of course it's a choice we can consciously make not to get sucked up in that vortex, so guess i shall just have to try harder.
we started a new series on the book of james, which is one of my favorite books in the new testament. the entire servant was on the first verse of the book, about how james described himself as a servant of God. the pastor talked about what it means to be a servant...3 things basically, absolute obedience, absolute humility and absolute loyalty. easy to say, but hard to achieve...and that's where prayer comes in, to help us do the impossible, and james was surely a man of prayer. oh, coincidentally...my pastor's name is james as well.
back to studying now, got to make up for the long nap...but with the computer on there's always plenty of distractions (kev: friendster! ha) but i'll try hard to stay focused!
church was good today (despite my sleepiness), had an extended time of worship and waiting on God, everytime I spend time in God's presence it strikes me how i really don't do it often enough, and how much i miss doing it, which makes me wonder why i don't do it more often...life is cruel in a sense, sucks such beautiful moments away from us with a whirlwind of less important things, of course it's a choice we can consciously make not to get sucked up in that vortex, so guess i shall just have to try harder.
we started a new series on the book of james, which is one of my favorite books in the new testament. the entire servant was on the first verse of the book, about how james described himself as a servant of God. the pastor talked about what it means to be a servant...3 things basically, absolute obedience, absolute humility and absolute loyalty. easy to say, but hard to achieve...and that's where prayer comes in, to help us do the impossible, and james was surely a man of prayer. oh, coincidentally...my pastor's name is james as well.
back to studying now, got to make up for the long nap...but with the computer on there's always plenty of distractions (kev: friendster! ha) but i'll try hard to stay focused!
watched sweet home alabama for the 2nd time last night...it's one of those "aw shucks" kind of movie that manages to not get too sappy. it has its lame moments of course, but on the whole it's a pretty good movie. was really sleepy after that, so i fell straight into bed (we were watching the movie in my hallmate's room right across from me) and fell asleep almost instantly...then suddenly i heard this knocking on the door, and since it's the one week anniversary (ha) of our awful fire alarm incident last week, i was a bit paranoid), i immediately got up and went to open the door, (my roommate wasn't around, probably taking a shower or something), and it was one of my floormates (who is truly weird by the way, his nickname is spondee and no one ever calls him his real name), and he asked, "did i leave my shoes in here?" my gosh...what an anti-climax! there i was, really zombified, and he's asking if he left his shoes in my room? man...i wasn't quite sure how to react...mumbled some answer to the negative and gladly tumbled back into bed. weirdness.
got up this morning at 7.30 and decided i better study hard, coz i have so much reading to do, so i ploughed through my many pages of ezra pound on vorticism and a chapter of social psych, was happy that i was done and was going to turn the comp on when i remembered i had more pound to read, his short lyrics...so got to confess i raced through that, but i'm proud of myself, got lots of work done! now to spend the rest of the day studying for my psych midterm on wednesday. sunday's supposed to be a day of rest, sigh...at least i'm taking time off to go to church later.
got up this morning at 7.30 and decided i better study hard, coz i have so much reading to do, so i ploughed through my many pages of ezra pound on vorticism and a chapter of social psych, was happy that i was done and was going to turn the comp on when i remembered i had more pound to read, his short lyrics...so got to confess i raced through that, but i'm proud of myself, got lots of work done! now to spend the rest of the day studying for my psych midterm on wednesday. sunday's supposed to be a day of rest, sigh...at least i'm taking time off to go to church later.
Saturday, October 18, 2003
dim sum at oakland was so good...it's still not as great compared to s'pore, but deprivation makes people feel grateful for what they have. went with four other people, and we spent about $11 a head...that's the bad thing about eating out here, got to pay for myself, yes...i'm cheapskate, i'll admit it. was supposed to be a short trip, go eat then go back and study. but one of the seniors ended up driving us there, so after we ate we drove over to the chinese supermarket in another city, by the time i got back it was 2.30 in the afternoon...we left at 9.30 in the morning, so that was a long short trip!
at the chinese supermarket we saw these workers carrying whole pigs into a restaurant nearby, it was both gross and funny at the same time...gross coz, well, dead pigs just aren't a very pleasant sight, especially when you see their undersides. but it was funny, coz the workers slung the pigs over their shoulders, as they walked away from us, the pigs' rumps were just shaking from side to side, getting smaller in the distance. k, maybe it's my warped sense of humor, but i honestly thought it entertaining. and chris, of course it made me think of you, pigs and butts, what better combination. =)
spent the afternoon holed up in the library, coz i needed to read this book that's on one day reserve in the library (that means i can only check the book out for one day, which is crazy. who can finish reading a book in a day?). went for a long dinner, although i was seriously not hungry...dinner itself wasn't that long, coz some of my friends had to go off to watch the Cal-USC volleyball game at 7, one of my other friends didn't "feel" like going back to his room, so we ended up going to another friend's room to sit and talk for a pretty long time. k, really have to get back to studying now, coz i told my roommate i'd watch a movie with her at 10, and it's already almost 9.30...and the whole reason why i didn't go to LA this weekend was coz i was supposed to stay in and study!
at the chinese supermarket we saw these workers carrying whole pigs into a restaurant nearby, it was both gross and funny at the same time...gross coz, well, dead pigs just aren't a very pleasant sight, especially when you see their undersides. but it was funny, coz the workers slung the pigs over their shoulders, as they walked away from us, the pigs' rumps were just shaking from side to side, getting smaller in the distance. k, maybe it's my warped sense of humor, but i honestly thought it entertaining. and chris, of course it made me think of you, pigs and butts, what better combination. =)
spent the afternoon holed up in the library, coz i needed to read this book that's on one day reserve in the library (that means i can only check the book out for one day, which is crazy. who can finish reading a book in a day?). went for a long dinner, although i was seriously not hungry...dinner itself wasn't that long, coz some of my friends had to go off to watch the Cal-USC volleyball game at 7, one of my other friends didn't "feel" like going back to his room, so we ended up going to another friend's room to sit and talk for a pretty long time. k, really have to get back to studying now, coz i told my roommate i'd watch a movie with her at 10, and it's already almost 9.30...and the whole reason why i didn't go to LA this weekend was coz i was supposed to stay in and study!
Friday, October 17, 2003
just got back from watching pirates of the carribean for the 2nd time...that is one funny movie with surprisingly good acting. orlando bloom is cool, but i'm sorry to have to say johnny depp stole the show. k, got to get back to studying...just taking a little break to report my exciting friday night, ha. going to eat dim sum tomorrow morning, yay!
thank goodness for health records. just went to see the nurse as a follow up of my chest x-ray yesterday...she was going to launch into a "discussion" on why i should go on a 6 month treatment of antibiotics when i told her i'd already been on them when i was 4. my granddad had tb when i was a kid...and i apparently picked up the bacteria from him, that's why i've always tested positive since. anyway, went on antibiotics at that time...if i had only known sooner i could probably have skipped the whole tb testing thing, but better late than never. and the good thing is that now i know for sure i'll never have to go through a tb test again. but as i was saying, health records are good, don't look down on your blue health booklet. mine is old and falling apart, but it had the essential information to save me from wasting time, money and having to tolerate nasty medicine. the nurse was really nice, but when i dug out my health booklet and she asked if it was in chinese i just had to go "nooo..."
sitting in the comp lab right now coz i had just a bit of time between classes and it doesn't make sense to go back to my dorm only to have to leave it again. there's this gust of wind blowing at me so it's mighty cold...it's hot outside though, can see the sun doing its work through the window.
it's friday again! and the end of the 8th week...the semester is officially more than half over, can't believe how fast it's flying. another 8 weeks and i'll be on an airplane again ("i'm leaving on a jet plane..." have i mentioned that's my theme song? ha), make that more than one airplane...fly to s'pore, fly to perth...people in the airline industry should be extremely grateful to me for putting food on their table.
sitting in the comp lab right now coz i had just a bit of time between classes and it doesn't make sense to go back to my dorm only to have to leave it again. there's this gust of wind blowing at me so it's mighty cold...it's hot outside though, can see the sun doing its work through the window.
it's friday again! and the end of the 8th week...the semester is officially more than half over, can't believe how fast it's flying. another 8 weeks and i'll be on an airplane again ("i'm leaving on a jet plane..." have i mentioned that's my theme song? ha), make that more than one airplane...fly to s'pore, fly to perth...people in the airline industry should be extremely grateful to me for putting food on their table.
Thursday, October 16, 2003
oh, forgot to add this in my last blog...it was funny, at the end of navigators we were asked to set 2 goals that were possible and probably to achieve, and the guy speaking (danny, who's a twin chris btw) was trying to think up an example of a goal that was likely achievable. well, he was having some problems, so he said, "i'll think of a goal that is not probable instead". and one of the guys immediately blurted out, "finding a girlfriend". we had all been really serious up to that point, but of course everyone burst out laughing. ha...k, just a little funny anecdote after my last serious blog.
just came back from navigators...never fail to have a good time there, and it's not just about fellowship, God really speaks through the people there. today we had another guest speaker, a med student going through residency, he shared his own testimony going through college and all, and one of his points really struck me. he talked about how we musn't make studying a god...and become so consumed by it, we put it above all else. have to confess that lately i've been doing that very often. it's hard not to get caught up in striving towards those straight As when everyone here is so smart and talented that you have to work to keep on top. also, i've been hanging out a lot with the s'poreans here, and a majority of them are on scholarship, and so they're under the obligation of keeping up a super high gpa. of course, on their own, they're also the kind of people who would mug all the time anyway...so it's a sort of positive peer pressure i guess, they're all studying so hard so i feel i have to study hard as well. in fact, i think i'm already the most relaxed compared to the rest of them. but i do see how studying can become an extremity...a few of my s'porean friends have even given up going to church coz they'd rather spend the time studying, and i haven't reached that stage yet, but i want to catch myself now so i'll never lose myself that much. it's sad...i told my mom about this "phenomenon", and she quoted me a line that i thought totally applicable, what does it profit a man if he loses his soul to gain the whole world? a lot of people here are working blindly, aimlessly, just because they are driven along by the forces of the world, and they don't want to put up the effort to run against the tide. i am going to study hard, but for the right reasons. and God should always come before studies...seek ye first the kingdom of God, and all these things will be added to you...those words are meant to be taken seriously.
The Spiral circles inward
tighter and tighter
clinging unto itself
paleness growing lighter
Still it turns and moves
Magnet of its own
and with each descent
utters empty groan
Life beyond control
Once its limits reach
Exhausted it implodes
then each belongs to each
Now we start all over
traverse different road
seek not to be ransomed
by unearthly Load
(Rat Race)
The Spiral circles inward
tighter and tighter
clinging unto itself
paleness growing lighter
Still it turns and moves
Magnet of its own
and with each descent
utters empty groan
Life beyond control
Once its limits reach
Exhausted it implodes
then each belongs to each
Now we start all over
traverse different road
seek not to be ransomed
by unearthly Load
(Rat Race)
went to get my tb test read today...it was 18mm (always have that kind of reading when i take skin tests, which in the past was good, coz i didn't have to take the bcg) which means i tested positive, anything more than 15mm is positive, and if you test positive you have to go take a chest x-ray. which is what i had to do...and pay for it too! and then tomorrow i've got to go talk to an advisor as a follow-up, she's going to "discuss" my x-ray results. most people who test positive have the "latent bacteria" in them, that's why it shows up on a test, and they recommend anti-biotics just to make sure it doesn't develop into full-blown tb. i sure hope they're not going to put my on antibiotics! hate the stuff...
had a quiz in my shakespeare class today, and i feel terrible about it...had 7 questions, only need to get 5 right to get full credit, but i think i'm going to get at only 4 at most right. i was reading hamlet in front of the computer...so i was immensely distracted (vic, not to blame you or anything...but our veil-no-veil conversation was taking place while i was trying to read hamlet) so i'm not surprised i couldn't really do the quiz. got to read more carefully next time, to make up for it! why couldn't the teacher have asked extra credit questions on the quizzes i did know how to answer? sigh...such is life.
had a quiz in my shakespeare class today, and i feel terrible about it...had 7 questions, only need to get 5 right to get full credit, but i think i'm going to get at only 4 at most right. i was reading hamlet in front of the computer...so i was immensely distracted (vic, not to blame you or anything...but our veil-no-veil conversation was taking place while i was trying to read hamlet) so i'm not surprised i couldn't really do the quiz. got to read more carefully next time, to make up for it! why couldn't the teacher have asked extra credit questions on the quizzes i did know how to answer? sigh...such is life.
Wednesday, October 15, 2003
the other people on my floor never seem to need to study...they've been sitting in the corridor the whole night, right outside my door, talking (really loudly, i might add) about everything under the sun. am i just an overly well-trained singaporean or are they just typical "college is not about studying" americans?
went for another RPP experiment today. again, it's this program that every psych student has to do...basically we're the guinea pigs for the grad students to conduct their experiments on, i have to do 6 hours by the end of the semester, done 4 already so far, so i'm right on track. today's experiment was considerably less interesting than the last one i did, just had to read a bunch of words on the computer screen and try to remember them after.
oh, english lecture was so funny today. we had a really small turnout, and our professor likes to give quizzes on days like that, so that people who actually do bother to turn up get credit. anyway, his quiz question was "why is berkeley so f***** up?" he actually used that word too...he was pissed coz he needed the projector for his lecture and the administration people had given him the wrong key. so he had to send one of the students to get the key...when he finally got hold of the projector, he climbed up the stairs to set it up (our classroom is stacked, like a theater)...and when he turned the projector on, it flashed the image too high up, so he asked, "how can i make this lower?". after a while he said, "oh! i can walk down the steps..." was super funny, he's one of those really eccentric guys, very entertaining. the lecture was super cheem...on impressionism, post-impressionism and cubism. interesting in a way, there were some girls in the class who were obviously art students coz they knew spot-on what the teacher was talking about...it was very interesting to hear about their comments, but i could never have come up with them myself. maybe coz i have never encountered impressionism etc. before.
oh, we must mark this day as a day to celebrate...chris is finally on msn after months of bugging! ha.
oh, english lecture was so funny today. we had a really small turnout, and our professor likes to give quizzes on days like that, so that people who actually do bother to turn up get credit. anyway, his quiz question was "why is berkeley so f***** up?" he actually used that word too...he was pissed coz he needed the projector for his lecture and the administration people had given him the wrong key. so he had to send one of the students to get the key...when he finally got hold of the projector, he climbed up the stairs to set it up (our classroom is stacked, like a theater)...and when he turned the projector on, it flashed the image too high up, so he asked, "how can i make this lower?". after a while he said, "oh! i can walk down the steps..." was super funny, he's one of those really eccentric guys, very entertaining. the lecture was super cheem...on impressionism, post-impressionism and cubism. interesting in a way, there were some girls in the class who were obviously art students coz they knew spot-on what the teacher was talking about...it was very interesting to hear about their comments, but i could never have come up with them myself. maybe coz i have never encountered impressionism etc. before.
oh, we must mark this day as a day to celebrate...chris is finally on msn after months of bugging! ha.
Tuesday, October 14, 2003
man...had a busy day today, tuesdays are always insane. left my room at 8 plus in the morning, and just got back not too long ago (it's 8.20pm), that's almost 12 hours out of my room. had early class today, then during my lunch break i went to take the tb test, which wasn't half as bad as i remembered it to be, was over pretty fast. i had to pay $12 to be poked in the arm though, later i found out i should have gone somewhere to get it done for free, the program coordinator had given me the wrong information, so she'll have to look into getting me reinbursed, at least i am going to get reinbursed. then i went to get fingerprinted (all this is for a mentoring program i volunteered for) at the police department. was pretty cool...they had this computer that scanned in all 10 of my fingerprints. as i left the police department i was hit by a serious bout of hiccups, maybe the effect of compounded stress? after all, getting poked by a needle and following a police officer into a dark, dingy room in the corner of the basement of the police department are none too pleasant affairs. but yeah...i was hiccuping away, rushing to class. it was really funny, was walking closely behind this guy coz it was really crowded and i just kept going "hic...hic...". when i finally could, i walked a little bit away, didn't want to freak him out. the moment i did, he turned to look at me as discreetly as he could, i guess to see who the weird person who had just been hicking away behind him was. that really made me want to laugh, but obviously i couldn't do that out loud, so i was grinning away, biting my lips to stop myself from an outburst...and i was still hicking away, which just made me want to laugh some more (my dearest sc: he must have thought me kiar-ooma). so i entertained myself for 15 minutes walking to class and being totally tickled by my own out-of-control body. fortunately, the hiccups stopped before class started, coz it would not have been funny to be making noise in the deadly silence of lecture. after lecture i went to the gym, was working out when my friend startled me by suddenly coming up behind me and asking where the locker room was (his first time in the gym obviously)...after i recovered from the shock, and he finally found the locker room, he started using the treadmill next to me. and for the second time today i had to stifle back laughter. gosh, the way he ran was really funny...you know how some people run without moving their arms? well...his were entirely glued to his side, which just made him look like a duck running or something...k, i'm being awfully bad. but it was seriously funny...i was reading a mag at that time, so i just smiled really hard at the magazine.
after that i went to the library to look for a book my english teacher had put on reserve for us to go get and photocopy...don't know why he didn't put it on the booklist at the beginning of term. anyway, i couldn't find it, so it was a wasted trip. then i went to this meet the parents session at rosa parks elementary school...where i'll be going to mentor this little fourth-grader boy, he wasn't there so i didn't get to meet him, but i bet he'll be awfully cute! he's at the bratty age, but he was described as "a little quiet" so hopefully he'll be ok. and yeah...after that i finally got back to my dorm, where i'm sitting now happily (and tiredly...is there such a word?) typing this.
long blog to match my long day. k, now back to studying. work never ends.
tonight's accompanying melody as i do my homework is igor stravinsky's rites of spring (vic: any comments? might come in useful later)...there's going to be an english lecture on the piece next week so part of my homework is to listen to it (yes, i don't see the connection either, but it's relatively painless so i won't complain)...classical music is supposed to aid homework completion right? i'm off to test the hypothesis.
p.s. chris: we should stop reporting bad things to each other! i just stubbed my toe real bad...
after that i went to the library to look for a book my english teacher had put on reserve for us to go get and photocopy...don't know why he didn't put it on the booklist at the beginning of term. anyway, i couldn't find it, so it was a wasted trip. then i went to this meet the parents session at rosa parks elementary school...where i'll be going to mentor this little fourth-grader boy, he wasn't there so i didn't get to meet him, but i bet he'll be awfully cute! he's at the bratty age, but he was described as "a little quiet" so hopefully he'll be ok. and yeah...after that i finally got back to my dorm, where i'm sitting now happily (and tiredly...is there such a word?) typing this.
long blog to match my long day. k, now back to studying. work never ends.
tonight's accompanying melody as i do my homework is igor stravinsky's rites of spring (vic: any comments? might come in useful later)...there's going to be an english lecture on the piece next week so part of my homework is to listen to it (yes, i don't see the connection either, but it's relatively painless so i won't complain)...classical music is supposed to aid homework completion right? i'm off to test the hypothesis.
p.s. chris: we should stop reporting bad things to each other! i just stubbed my toe real bad...
Monday, October 13, 2003
hot day today...wonder when it's going to turn cold. not looking forward to it, but at the same time it's a bit too hot for my liking. had a quiet day today, thankfully. no fire alarms, no midterm stress, no having to struggle to survive. ha, that's a bit of exaggeration...makes it sound like i'm usually under torment or something.
tomorrow's going to be busier, i have to go get a tb test coz i volunteered for a mentoring program, and before i can start i have to be tested for tb. i am definitely not looking forward to that.
was looking at a picture on my wall of my 3 cousins today and i realized how much i miss them...then it suddenly struck me that the youngest (zee) turned 1 today! how fast...it's miraculous how a baby can develop into such a personality in less than a year, the most poetic part of the human life.
had a good bible study tonight...it gets better and better. was on prayer, and i realize i haven't really been having good prayer for a long time, so it was nice when we just spent time praying.
got 2 more photos uploaded...this was oakland chinatown, went for a good chinese dinner quite a long time ago.
oakland chinatown
email add: eirelav_conundrum@yahoo.com
password: valerie
tomorrow's going to be busier, i have to go get a tb test coz i volunteered for a mentoring program, and before i can start i have to be tested for tb. i am definitely not looking forward to that.
was looking at a picture on my wall of my 3 cousins today and i realized how much i miss them...then it suddenly struck me that the youngest (zee) turned 1 today! how fast...it's miraculous how a baby can develop into such a personality in less than a year, the most poetic part of the human life.
had a good bible study tonight...it gets better and better. was on prayer, and i realize i haven't really been having good prayer for a long time, so it was nice when we just spent time praying.
got 2 more photos uploaded...this was oakland chinatown, went for a good chinese dinner quite a long time ago.
oakland chinatown
email add: eirelav_conundrum@yahoo.com
password: valerie
Sunday, October 12, 2003
was really sleepy at church today, not surprisingly. there was a guest acapella group singing, they were really good...especially the "bassist". he was just one guy, but he sounded wonderful, must be pretty tiring to be the only one singing bass in an acapella group. sermon was on the elder brother in the parable of the prodigal son, about how his self-righteousness and unconcern for his lost brother essentially robbed him of enjoying his father's blessings. in the same way, when we blame everyone else around us for things that happen to us, and think we're all perfect, and when we have no compassion on the lost, we lose out on all the blessings that God has prepared for us to tap into.
ok, have to get back to studying...trying to finish up the last 5 pages on cubism, but i keep getting distracted. focus, girl...
ok, have to get back to studying...trying to finish up the last 5 pages on cubism, but i keep getting distracted. focus, girl...
i've had such a traumatizing night it's not even funny in retrospect (yet). it was madness, pure madness...someone pulled the fire alarm on my floor at 3.30 am in the morning. it was blaring away, so i woke up, got out of the room, and saw people running into each other's rooms, i asked my RA (residential advisor) if i should ignore it, coz i thought maybe someone had pulled it by accident...and she nodded. so i went back to bed. but the alarm just kept going on and on, and finally me and my roommate decided we should go out and ask again, so my roommate went to bang on my RA's door (right next door to me), and it was pretty scary...i could hear her from inside my room pounding and pounding away, we finally decided we'd better get out. so we were making our way out and we ran into 2 firemen at the end of the hall...and we were totally blur about what was going on, so we asked and they yelled at us to get out. turns out we could have been fined $1000 each for not leaving the building soon enough (hey, what if we were just really heavy sleepers?). anyway, found out later that my RA thought i had asked her "should we get out?" so she nodded...but anyway. it was not pretty, the entire building was standing in the parking lot, by that time it was 4 in the morning. then we got yelled at by some of the hall staff because the fire marshall was pissed that he had to come out in the middle of the night for a false alarm (turned out to be no fire), and he was especially pissed that 2 residents actually asked him what they should do (me and my roommate obviously, but don't you ask questions when you're unsure?!)...it was really freaky, when we got back into the building at last, we saw that someone had poured maple syrup (weird, don't ask me) outside the room nearest to the fire alarm, and had written "watch your back" on the door. and the ironic thing is everyone else not living on my floor was blaming the guys who lived in that room...if they were silly enough to pull the fire alarm in the middle of the night, would they have attracted attention to themselves by pouring maple syrup outside their door? please...so anyway, we all went to bed, and 2 minutes later, the alarm goes off again. (this time me and my roommate hauled our butts out of there asap, lesson learnt). except this time, someone had pulled the alarm in the neighboring block, obviously the same people who decided they still hadn't had their fun...and because the fire marshall was so pissed he decided to pull the alarm in my block as well to "teach us a lesson". hey...innocent victims suffering here? don't understand the fire marshall...isn't it his job to come out in the middle of the night if a fire alarm goes off? he gets paid for doing that...no reason to be pissed. well, we stood in the carpark lot for another hour...was 5.30 by the time we got back to our rooms. and we weren't sure if it was going to happen again, so my roommate and i decided we should pack a bag with our cell phones, a book, food, water, just in case. know we're not supposed to grab anything, but we didn't want to be left stranded in the parking lot with nothing to do for the next 3 hours...coz the fire marshall threatened that if it happened again we would be in the parking lot till 8, which is when his shift ended. so yeah...it was traumatic, to say the least. this morning i was reading the bible, from psalm 16..."Keep me safe, O God, for in you I take refuge". i could better appreciate that verse after my "harrowing" experience.
on a lighter note...the night had actually ended really well. my roommate had given me a long massage coz of the knot in my shoulder, then we watched matrix reloaded...nice way to end the saturday, until the fire alarms. well, at least now i have a story to tell.
on a lighter note...the night had actually ended really well. my roommate had given me a long massage coz of the knot in my shoulder, then we watched matrix reloaded...nice way to end the saturday, until the fire alarms. well, at least now i have a story to tell.
Saturday, October 11, 2003
just got back from playing frisbee and dinner...was a good break after a whole week of studying. don't know why but my shoulder is aching. it's not from the frisbee coz it started aching at the very beginning of the game...have i already mentioned i'm in pain? ah well...back to work, i memorized the waste land for my english game before the frisbee game, don't know how much i can still remember of it. the insane thing has german, italian, latin, french, sanskrit and gibberish (maybe hebrew? dunno) ...a real chore to memorize. and i have 10 pages (out of almost 40) left to read on cubism...someone help!
i am a woman in pain...ok, a girl, whatever. my ring toe is still threatening to drop off...and i have these odd bumps under my tongue, not on the underside of my tongue, but really under it...like on the bottom roof (if that makes any sense) of my mouth. it's quite hard to describe it...but it hurts, think there's basically 4 ulcers...just that it's an odd spot to have ulcers. my roommate looked at it and said it looks like i have pimples in my mouth...ouch, that's how unpleasant it is. think i'm suffering from a vitamin c defecit/deficit (? sean: still can't spell the word!) coz for the past week i haven't been eating in the cafeteria that much, which means i haven't been having my daily dose of oranges. shall make up for it over the next meals i consume. pain is not a friend (biologically speaking it is, but humanly speaking it sure isn't!)
Friday, October 10, 2003
just got back from oakland, went there for dinner with 4 guy friends, so i was obviously on the losing end, coz i eat so much less than all of them...but they were kind enough to let me pay a smaller portion of the bill. then we went to sit at the balcony of barrows hall (one of the buildings on campus)...there's a wonderful view from there, can see the hills and all. looks very pretty all lit up, think it must be so much more beautiful in the day. we were planning to take pictures there but it was too dark, definitely will need to find time to go back another day...still trying unsuccessfully to use up my roll of film (chris: it's the same roll that we used to take the pgp pics, kev: don't have your anointing lah, what to do). kinda tired now, shall try to do some reading for my shakespeare class then go to bed.
just got back from safeway (a supermarket), didn't really need anything but went along for the sake of it, since i'm semi-free seeing that i'm done with midterms for this week! the midterm was ok, not superbly good...but i think overall it was fine. got my english paper back as well, i got an A-...what's that supposed to mean? don't know if i should rewrite it or not, coz we're only allowed one rewrite...if i rewrite this one and do badly on the next paper, what then? see...these little minuses make life so difficult. going to oakland for dinner in a while...get a good meal for once.
i woke up this morning and stared out of the window, i was only half awake but i had to catch my breath in delight (i know it sounds cliched...but there's really no better way to put it). the sun was rising...and the sky was a gradient of blue and purple and pink and orange. don't worry...not going to wax lyrical on morning again. morning is a whole array of sensations that move in and out of each other to form a larger state, beautiful though that may be...this morning's sunrise was a whole sensation in itself. i think it was all the more beautiful because i hadn't been looking for it...we like to idealize sunrises, but most of the time that image comes attached with a waiting period that comes before the sunrise. "we'll stay up and watch the sun rise", and the sunrise is diminished because of our anticipation. this morning's sunrise literally swept me away because it found me despite the fact that i wasn't looking for it. i couldn't quite believe that such a beautiful image was sitting right outside my window waving at me, i had to go back under the covers and reemerge to gaze out of the window and check that i hadn't dreamed the whole thing up. i was half-surprised when that palette of color was still there...gently, softly, greeting the day...gently, softly, reminding me that life is still beautiful in ways we don't even expect.
oh, forgot to talk about this last night. the guest speakers that came to navigators passed around the latest version of "the message" bible (called the remix by the way, how funny...trying to keep up with the times). anyway, for those of you who don't know, the message is a paraphrased version of the bible in modern english...so i was flipping through it and i came to the psalms. what i saw stopped me in my tracks, "i have been bad lord, i'm sorry". there may be advantages to rewriting the bible so modern folk can understand it, but when it come to poetry...i just think some things should be better left untouched. the beauty of the psalms had been totally lost in the (no doubt, good-intentioned) paraphrasing...leave me my "for i know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me" anytime...it might sound archaic, but i'll put up with it for beauty's sake. art can never be watered down for comprehension...that's what makes it lovely, the fact that you can only truly appreciate it if you dig into it...the beauty of art (poetry, song, movement) is the reward that comes from studying it and paying it full attention...it can never be laid out on a platter and dished out in portions. true art is a delicacy only few can enjoy, the few who know how to savor it while forgoing the need to understand the components that made up the creation, because beauty is one of those cases where the whole is larger than the sum of its parts.
oh, forgot to talk about this last night. the guest speakers that came to navigators passed around the latest version of "the message" bible (called the remix by the way, how funny...trying to keep up with the times). anyway, for those of you who don't know, the message is a paraphrased version of the bible in modern english...so i was flipping through it and i came to the psalms. what i saw stopped me in my tracks, "i have been bad lord, i'm sorry". there may be advantages to rewriting the bible so modern folk can understand it, but when it come to poetry...i just think some things should be better left untouched. the beauty of the psalms had been totally lost in the (no doubt, good-intentioned) paraphrasing...leave me my "for i know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me" anytime...it might sound archaic, but i'll put up with it for beauty's sake. art can never be watered down for comprehension...that's what makes it lovely, the fact that you can only truly appreciate it if you dig into it...the beauty of art (poetry, song, movement) is the reward that comes from studying it and paying it full attention...it can never be laid out on a platter and dished out in portions. true art is a delicacy only few can enjoy, the few who know how to savor it while forgoing the need to understand the components that made up the creation, because beauty is one of those cases where the whole is larger than the sum of its parts.
Thursday, October 09, 2003
just got back from navigators...was super good, had a guest speaker who was at cal himself many many years ago, him and his wife came, and he talked about the word...did the hand thing in bpd...about how there are 5 processes to having a good grasp on the word, starting with hearing, reading, studying, memorizing and finally meditating...about how you need all 5 fingers to have a good handle on the word. talked about the various promises in God's word, and about how they show attributes of God, how he's faithful and righteous...also talked about how some of those promises are conditional...we have to do our part if we expect God to do his. and some other promises are calls to action, so we're not to be a passive people and lap up all of God's goodies while we just sit back and relax. worship was awesome too...i'm so glad to have a community where i can really worship in. the ppl on staff (jenny, danny and milton) made care packages for everyone, basically they put together some food items for everyone...there's nutter butter! my favorite peanut butter cookies...yum. ha. ok, i shall have to go put in 40 minutes worth of studying for my english midterm tomorrow before i go to bed.
oh, before i do that...my ring toe feels like it's broken. ok, so there's no ring toe. but you know which one i mean...the one that corresponds to the ring finger (like duh...in teenage speak). when i walk it hurts bad...just happened suddenly, hope it will go away as suddenly as well. when your ear twitches it means someone's thinking of you, when your ring toe feels like it's about to fall off does it mean anything?
oh, before i do that...my ring toe feels like it's broken. ok, so there's no ring toe. but you know which one i mean...the one that corresponds to the ring finger (like duh...in teenage speak). when i walk it hurts bad...just happened suddenly, hope it will go away as suddenly as well. when your ear twitches it means someone's thinking of you, when your ring toe feels like it's about to fall off does it mean anything?
i'm running out of black clothes to wear...how long exactly is this part of the grieving process supposed to last? this makes me sound like i'm callous or something, just going through the ritual of mourning because i have no choice...but really, that's not the way it is. it's just that this is the easiest part of facing death...it's mindless, formal...i don't have to think about it. someone died? wear black. simple enough. but now that i'm reaching the end, i realize soon i'll be forced to think about the less mindless parts of dealing with death. what now that that's over? don't think i'm explaining this very lucidly...it still seems unreal to me, especially being so far away, and the only way to make it more of a reality is to wear black, have a tangible symbol of the fact that i am suffering Loss. but am i? see...that's the question, i don't know exactly how sad i'm supposed to feel. i go about life as normal and then i feel guilty...but were i to moan and act somberer than usual i would just feel a total hypocrite. how many ways are there to express sadness? maybe one of them is just to push on, acknowledging that though waking up day after day only to head towards death is futile, it's still something i have to do...a tribute to grandma in a way, living a life she cannot live, embracing the moments while they are still entirely mine. the whole irony of it is, now that she's no longer alive, her experiences are probably fuller, she is no longer trapped by a body and mind that refuses to cooperate with her resilient spirit. so in a way, we should be celebrating...maybe that's why i'm having so much problem trying to grieve, because deep inside i really believe she's better off where she is...which calls for joy rather than sorrow. maybe it's good that i'm running out of black clothes.
~~~
yay! psych midterm is over...was pretty ok, think i should do fine on it. there's a display in front of the architecture building of different models of birds that the students built...some of them are really creative, people built birds out of plastic spoons, wire, mesh, wood...all sorts of things, some even have feathers glued on...looks pretty impressive. "one day i'll fly away..."
~~~
yay! psych midterm is over...was pretty ok, think i should do fine on it. there's a display in front of the architecture building of different models of birds that the students built...some of them are really creative, people built birds out of plastic spoons, wire, mesh, wood...all sorts of things, some even have feathers glued on...looks pretty impressive. "one day i'll fly away..."
Wednesday, October 08, 2003
got to memorize this for class, so just using this as practice ground. it's the first half of the first stanza of t.s. eliot's the waste land...
April is the cruellest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with the spring rain
Winter kept us warm, covering
Earth in forgotten snow, feeding
A little life with dried tubers
Summer surprised us, coming over the Starnbergersee
With a shower of rain, we stopped in the colonnade
And went on in sunlight, into the Hofgarten
And drank coffee, and talked for an hour
it launches into german after that...which obviously i don't understand, going to make it hard to memorize...but i'll work on it. prepare to hear more of t.s. eliot!
April is the cruellest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with the spring rain
Winter kept us warm, covering
Earth in forgotten snow, feeding
A little life with dried tubers
Summer surprised us, coming over the Starnbergersee
With a shower of rain, we stopped in the colonnade
And went on in sunlight, into the Hofgarten
And drank coffee, and talked for an hour
it launches into german after that...which obviously i don't understand, going to make it hard to memorize...but i'll work on it. prepare to hear more of t.s. eliot!
sure you've all heard by now...arnie is the new governor...it's a sad state of affairs (no pun intended) when an election becomes so circus-like the whole world over knows about it, even if it doesn't remotely concern them. i will not disclose my vote, save to say i did not vote for mr. hasta la vista baby. that's his whole problem...no good track record with women, supports homosexuality (though he claims to be a republican), at least he's anti-abortion. the real problem is that he will be a political puppet...another doll for george w. to play with, how fun. in my way of thinking, if you elect someone as governor and end up not liking him, tough...you elected him, you should just stick with him. now what, everytime we don't like someone we put in office in the first place we hold a recall? no wonder they have to up sch fees 30%, where do you think all our money is going?! sense the bitterness? ha...k, don't think you want to hear my gripes about californian politics.
got to leave for my psych review session in about 15 minutes. basically a Q&A session where we bring all our questions to our GSIs...feel pretty prepared for it, think it shouldn't be a problem. the thing with psych is that at least there are concepts and studies to memorize. i have an english midterm on friday, and i have no idea where to begin studying! we are going to have to identify 10 passages out of the multitude that we have read so far, say who wrote them, who's the character speaking, where in the whole work it appears, and what it's significance is. what if my teacher picks some obscure passage..."he stared at the sky and ruminated over why life was the way it was" (ok, that's a terrible line, and thankfully not an excerpt from anything i've read for the class). but my point is, a sentence like that could appear anywhere, because people in literature are constantly staring at skies and ruminating over why life is the way it is. but yeah...i'll be so glad when friday is over, 2 midterms down!
got to leave for my psych review session in about 15 minutes. basically a Q&A session where we bring all our questions to our GSIs...feel pretty prepared for it, think it shouldn't be a problem. the thing with psych is that at least there are concepts and studies to memorize. i have an english midterm on friday, and i have no idea where to begin studying! we are going to have to identify 10 passages out of the multitude that we have read so far, say who wrote them, who's the character speaking, where in the whole work it appears, and what it's significance is. what if my teacher picks some obscure passage..."he stared at the sky and ruminated over why life was the way it was" (ok, that's a terrible line, and thankfully not an excerpt from anything i've read for the class). but my point is, a sentence like that could appear anywhere, because people in literature are constantly staring at skies and ruminating over why life is the way it is. but yeah...i'll be so glad when friday is over, 2 midterms down!
Tuesday, October 07, 2003
it's voting day today...first time i get to cast a vote, momentous occasion! ha...seriously, think american politics is so messed up anyway it doesn't really make a difference how i vote. but i have to uphold my duty as a moral citizen (hey, all those "hao gong ming" lessons shouldn't go to waste should they?) so i'll go vote anyway. actually i have no clue who i'm going to vote for, there's a mile-long list of candidates running to replace gray davis, most of them would probably do a worse job. of course the frontliner is arnold...good old arnie's going to bust out the guns and solve everyone's problems that way maybe. and if he loses, he already has a line prepared! "i'll be back." ok, i'm talking nonsense as usual. off to continue reading about the supreme court.
oh, before i do that...had an inspired quiet time today. yesterday we had bible study and one of my applications was that this week i would do a good qt (read "a qt i won't rush through") and really allow God time to speak. so i did it this morning, got up early too so that i would have enough time coz i start class early this morning. and it was amazing, totally worth it (can i digress a little? someone in my hall is heating up something that smells absolutely delicious! wonder what it is, but anyway...). read from colossians about how God sent his son, who is firstborn over all the universe to make me spotless. i mean, we always talk about God's great love and all that, but if you take it one step further it's even more wonderful. he didn't just send any old guy walking on the street to die for us, he sent his son. his son isn't just some random person who didn't have anything better to do, he was (and is!) Lord over heaven and earth...thrice the reason to be grateful.
Lord, how can I ever thank you for such love
Such glorious love
Grace I don't deserve
You sent your son, not just any man
But firstborn over all creation
For whom and by whom
The universe was made
To bridge the gap my evil sin had created
To wash me clean
Free from accusation
You moved me from death to being holy
Holy, Lord, in your sight
Not just any man - you sent your precious Son
Colossians 1: 15-23
oh, before i do that...had an inspired quiet time today. yesterday we had bible study and one of my applications was that this week i would do a good qt (read "a qt i won't rush through") and really allow God time to speak. so i did it this morning, got up early too so that i would have enough time coz i start class early this morning. and it was amazing, totally worth it (can i digress a little? someone in my hall is heating up something that smells absolutely delicious! wonder what it is, but anyway...). read from colossians about how God sent his son, who is firstborn over all the universe to make me spotless. i mean, we always talk about God's great love and all that, but if you take it one step further it's even more wonderful. he didn't just send any old guy walking on the street to die for us, he sent his son. his son isn't just some random person who didn't have anything better to do, he was (and is!) Lord over heaven and earth...thrice the reason to be grateful.
Lord, how can I ever thank you for such love
Such glorious love
Grace I don't deserve
You sent your son, not just any man
But firstborn over all creation
For whom and by whom
The universe was made
To bridge the gap my evil sin had created
To wash me clean
Free from accusation
You moved me from death to being holy
Holy, Lord, in your sight
Not just any man - you sent your precious Son
Colossians 1: 15-23
Monday, October 06, 2003
just finished bible study...super sleepy now, think i'm going to bed already. have to finish reading the psychological profiles first (obviously haven't progressed since the last time i blogged), and then look through shakespeare's king henry IV part 1 again, because i have this feeling we're going to get pop quizzed tomorrow. last lesson our paper was due, and our teacher said "the day papers are due is a great day to have a pop quiz...", and just when we were all going to succumb to anxiety attacks, he added (most fortunately), "...but i won't...". tomorrow's the next lesson since then, so there's probably no escaping the pop quiz. ok, back to reading...at least i've moved from milgram and asch to the yale attitude change approach, mini progress, yay.
another week, another monday. midterms creeping up (no, more like a predator lurking in the shadows, waiting for the optimum moment to pounce...k, shan't be melodramatic) on me. well, at least by the end of the week i'll be 2 midterms down, yeah...spent the morning reading a book on the US supreme court, don't know how i'm ever going to get all that info straight in my head. going for dinner in 15 mins...i think i've got a stomachache. nothing particularly unusual has happened today, perhaps after my exciting week last week i'm going to have a mundane day for a change. bible study in my room tonight...doing the 5 assurances that benny ho incorporated into his bpd, so it's going to be a repetition of what i've already done before. right...off to read psychological profiles on stanley milgram and soloman asch, big names in psychology, that frankly i'm pretty tired of hearing already.
Sunday, October 05, 2003
had a busy sunday, went for church then for a study group session...my legs feel weak now, tired i guess. church was good as usual, my pastor is so raw and open it's amazing. he was sharing about how he lost his temper at the airport because the lady working at the counter insisted he buy a ticket for his 2 year old daughter or not be allowed to board the plane. he sounded so contrite and repentant, it really left me in awe that he could confess his sin so openly at the altar. that's not an easy thing to do for one, and especially hard if you're the pastor and supposed to be this super godly person.
went straight to my study group from there, thought i'd be really late coz church ends at 3 and the group started at 3, but i got a ride from one of my friends and actually made it there in decent time. the study session was helpful, went through tons of material, and i'm a lot more comfortable with it now, feel like i actually have a good grasp of it.
i know this is sunday and all so i probably shouldn't be doing the unholy thing that i'm about to, but i've just got to be a bit nasty and say this...you know how there are some people you just don't like at first glance? well, there's this guy in church...who's actually my friend's friend...and i just didn't like him ever since the first time i saw him, about 3 weeks ago. can't explain it, there's just something about him that turns me off. and honestly, i can't understand why my friend likes hanging around with him at all. but they were obviously really into each other, so i remember thinking...it's only going to be a matter of time before they end up together. well, guess what...on my way to church today, i was walking merrily with my floormate and we start walking behind this couple who were very intertwined, hands around each other and all...and it didn't take me long to realize it was my friend and that unlikeable guy! so it took them less time than i thought it would...they just met each other here after all, so their acquaintance isn't that "ripe" or anything...but can i just say i'm disgusted? i'm sorry to be mean...but really...there's just something gross about the whole situation. don't know...maybe it's just me and the way i am. ok, got that off my chest, ha...now i can be nice again.
going for dinner in 10 minutes, though i'm not really hungry. i had this banana during the study session that i had brought along just in case i got hungry. well, i wasn't hungry...but the banana sort of got squished and was making a messy (yellow!) mess in my bag, so i had to eat it. who knew it would be so filling?
went straight to my study group from there, thought i'd be really late coz church ends at 3 and the group started at 3, but i got a ride from one of my friends and actually made it there in decent time. the study session was helpful, went through tons of material, and i'm a lot more comfortable with it now, feel like i actually have a good grasp of it.
i know this is sunday and all so i probably shouldn't be doing the unholy thing that i'm about to, but i've just got to be a bit nasty and say this...you know how there are some people you just don't like at first glance? well, there's this guy in church...who's actually my friend's friend...and i just didn't like him ever since the first time i saw him, about 3 weeks ago. can't explain it, there's just something about him that turns me off. and honestly, i can't understand why my friend likes hanging around with him at all. but they were obviously really into each other, so i remember thinking...it's only going to be a matter of time before they end up together. well, guess what...on my way to church today, i was walking merrily with my floormate and we start walking behind this couple who were very intertwined, hands around each other and all...and it didn't take me long to realize it was my friend and that unlikeable guy! so it took them less time than i thought it would...they just met each other here after all, so their acquaintance isn't that "ripe" or anything...but can i just say i'm disgusted? i'm sorry to be mean...but really...there's just something gross about the whole situation. don't know...maybe it's just me and the way i am. ok, got that off my chest, ha...now i can be nice again.
going for dinner in 10 minutes, though i'm not really hungry. i had this banana during the study session that i had brought along just in case i got hungry. well, i wasn't hungry...but the banana sort of got squished and was making a messy (yellow!) mess in my bag, so i had to eat it. who knew it would be so filling?
she's gone. can it be? seems surreal. she's always been there, around but not quite. a presence? not even...more phantom, half-ghost, half-shadow, half-spirit...whatever she was making up more than a whole. i see her and feel sorry for such an existenceless existence. but that was still life, struggling to hold on. what was she waiting for? what part of her life was so unfulfilled she refused to let go? or was it just an instinctive urge to survive...a biological drive to keep breathing? but no more. now she's really gone. and i'm not sure if i should weep, because if i do, i won't know what i'm weeping for. letting go is always hard, but how do you let go of something you never really had within your grasp?
"and the seasons, they go round and round
and the painted ponies go up and down
we're captive on the carousel of time
we can't return, we can only look
behind from where we came
and go round and round and round in the circle game"
grandma is gone...for good...but life goes on.
"and the seasons, they go round and round
and the painted ponies go up and down
we're captive on the carousel of time
we can't return, we can only look
behind from where we came
and go round and round and round in the circle game"
grandma is gone...for good...but life goes on.
Saturday, October 04, 2003
super tired...just finished reading an entire book on the american constitution. preparing for an american institution exam that i have to take in november. i know that sounds far away, but i have 4 thick books to read by then, got to write 3 essays without the book by me, and this is on top of my regular classes. the exam is to fulfil the american institution requirement, most people take a political science class in high school to do it, but since i didn't go to high school here i haven't done that yet. i could just take a political science class here, but i can't squeeze that into my schedule (can't afford to if i'm going to graduate in 2 years as planned), and i figured if i take a class i'll still have to read books and take an exam
(maybe more), even though i'd be able to do it over a semester instead of a year, but it probably makes more sense to just take the exam and be done with it. so, yeah...just created stress for myself, but ha...i'll survive.
very sleepy right now, it's 6 pm, dinner time...but i'm not meeting my friends for dinner till 7. it's against my principles to nap, but i slept real late last night (went for the party after all, although i left early), and i really can't keep my eyes open anymore! so shall go hit the bed for half an hour then wake up to continue studying...
um, guess not...my friend just called to talk about her boyfriend woes, so much for napping, i should call myself valerie agony li. ha...'cept that makes me sound in pain or something.
(maybe more), even though i'd be able to do it over a semester instead of a year, but it probably makes more sense to just take the exam and be done with it. so, yeah...just created stress for myself, but ha...i'll survive.
very sleepy right now, it's 6 pm, dinner time...but i'm not meeting my friends for dinner till 7. it's against my principles to nap, but i slept real late last night (went for the party after all, although i left early), and i really can't keep my eyes open anymore! so shall go hit the bed for half an hour then wake up to continue studying...
um, guess not...my friend just called to talk about her boyfriend woes, so much for napping, i should call myself valerie agony li. ha...'cept that makes me sound in pain or something.
Friday, October 03, 2003
saw two squirrels chasing each other in school today. it was totally cute...one of them "crossed the road" to the other...ran, stopped for human traffic...all clear, ran some more...pranced, pounced, leaped, scampered (ha, sounds like reindeer). and then when they were done they just went their separate ways, no tears, no fuss, no heartbreak. why can't people live like squirrels? everything would be so simple, so beautiful...but then again, nothing would be permanent, not even friendships. the next time those 2 squirrels want to "play", will they be able to find each other again? or are they just content to play with any squirrel that comes their way?
i've never thought of myself as a moody person, but reading my blog entries over the last 3 days it struck me that i must appear as such...ha, it's just been a crazy week, i'm really quite a level-headed, sane person most of the time (i hope!)
anyway...dragged myself to the cashier's office at 8.30 where i was finally able to clear up my late fee problem. thank God. the manager cleared it in 10 minutes, although i had to wait another 10 to see her. but i got another letter from the housing department saying i haven't paid my fees (so here i go again! man...). but this one i think i can ignore, because my friend told me he received a similar letter last month and it was just because his fees hadn't been processed yet...i think this school's admin department needs serious help.
the grad student instructors are on strike...no class today, feels weird. i think i'm a creature of habit, throw me off schedule and i get confused.
going to watch finding nemo later on, $3 for students...that's pretty good if you don't convert to sing dollars, then after that i'm going to the homecoming rally (that really starts at 7, which is also the time nemo starts, so i'll just be late), and after that a party at my friend's house (?). that last part is still up in the air, coz i seriously think i should get some work done, i've spent the whole day running errands. oh, talking of which, successfully submitted my petition to be a psych major! this means that next semester i should have much fewer problems getting into the classes i need than i did this semester. and i went to the massive, intimidating library to check out books i need to read for an "american institutions" exam i'm taking in november, got to start reading early coz this exam is on top of my regular classes. off to photocopy some pages from one of the books now, coz i'm only allowed to check it out for a day.
i've never thought of myself as a moody person, but reading my blog entries over the last 3 days it struck me that i must appear as such...ha, it's just been a crazy week, i'm really quite a level-headed, sane person most of the time (i hope!)
anyway...dragged myself to the cashier's office at 8.30 where i was finally able to clear up my late fee problem. thank God. the manager cleared it in 10 minutes, although i had to wait another 10 to see her. but i got another letter from the housing department saying i haven't paid my fees (so here i go again! man...). but this one i think i can ignore, because my friend told me he received a similar letter last month and it was just because his fees hadn't been processed yet...i think this school's admin department needs serious help.
the grad student instructors are on strike...no class today, feels weird. i think i'm a creature of habit, throw me off schedule and i get confused.
going to watch finding nemo later on, $3 for students...that's pretty good if you don't convert to sing dollars, then after that i'm going to the homecoming rally (that really starts at 7, which is also the time nemo starts, so i'll just be late), and after that a party at my friend's house (?). that last part is still up in the air, coz i seriously think i should get some work done, i've spent the whole day running errands. oh, talking of which, successfully submitted my petition to be a psych major! this means that next semester i should have much fewer problems getting into the classes i need than i did this semester. and i went to the massive, intimidating library to check out books i need to read for an "american institutions" exam i'm taking in november, got to start reading early coz this exam is on top of my regular classes. off to photocopy some pages from one of the books now, coz i'm only allowed to check it out for a day.
Thursday, October 02, 2003
just when i had decided to write today off as "one of those days you just have to survive", something good happens (ha, do i sound like oscar the grouch?). went for battle of the brains a while ago, the trivia contest i talked about. won a parking pass worth 312 USD because a question i submitted was picked (who's the finance minister of singapore? lee hsieng loong's the answer by the way) and the people supposed to answer the questions couldn't (obviously). the parking pass is of no use to me, but at least i can sell it for a little under it's value...200 USD is a reasonable starting price, so yeah...the day did get better after all!
i'm in an extremely terrible mood right now, just got out of a very frustrating session in the cashier's office...think every month my general health is threatened when i get my school fees bill...it's driving me nuts! found out i was charged a late fee of $20, when i've made it a point to pay my fees regularly every month. so i went down to the office to find out just why that was, they told me it was for an advanced housing fee billed in august that i still haven't paid for. didn't have my august billing statement with me so i had to make another trip down after i had dug out the statement. and it turns out i did pay the advanced housing fee in august. so i go down and ask what's up with that...the guy says he doesn't know, i have to go back tomorrow morning (at 8.30 am no less!) to talk to the manager. i also noticed that i'm being charged certain things twice, so i asked about that. turns out that although in the billing statement they break the amount down according to housing, insurance, tuition etc...when you actually pay the money it doesn't necessarily go into those accounts. so the money i think i'm paying for housing sometimes goes into insurance, sometimes goes into housing...it's totally random! so apparently the august amount that i thought i had paid for housing was channelled into something that wasn't housing, which then made it look like i had not paid the housing fee on time, and that's why they're charging me a late fee. which is just stupid (this is a lousy word, i'm sorry, but i'm in a lousy mood)...because I have no control over where they choose to channel the funds i think i'm paying something else for! in short...i'm pissed (another lousy word to match my lousy mood) and very very frustrated (have i mentioned?). when i left the cashier's office i was at the point of tears because i was just getting nowhere! argh...
i'm sure there's been something good about my day, at this point of time i'm just wallowing too much in my miseries to recall what it was. but "always look on the bright side of life" right? at least the day isn't over...there's navigators tonight, which should put a smile on my face. and i'm going for this battle of the brain thing, where professors and students pit themselves against each other to see who is master of more useless info...it's a trivia game thing, ha...sounds like fun. just that the day has been ruined by the thought of having to wake up early tomorrow to go fight about money again (sigh, wish we could just do away with money altogether!). so much for my pleasant mornings. i guess at least the morning is pleasant, otherwise tomorrow will be doubly worse. i'll just turn my nose up high and say "heck" to the ugliness of real life and enjoy the romantic illusion that morning is all it should be...i.e. without monetary woes and unnecessary bureaucracy. k, smile val smile...weekend's coming. someone tell me why those words sound so feeble even to myself? i must be strong...on to do my homework.
~~~
wow...just read an email from my GSI. the graduate student union is going on strike to protest unfair labor practices, so i won't have english discussion tomorrow since it's led by my GSI...first time i've had an experience of the sort, definitely won't happen in s'pore! pity actually...coz i enjoy my english discussions, and there's a midterm the following week so we were probably going to do review. but this makes me realize my problems are small in comparison...see, there's good things to be found in life if you only look hard enough.
~~~
i was so caught up in lamenting about my sad state of affairs that i totally forgot i was going to write about all the mad people i've seen today. mad as in insane, not mad as in angry, because if i were to write about mad as in angry i would be writing about me and i've had enough of me for today, though after all this rambling i probably qualify for mad as in insane as well. anyhow...back to the mad people.
was coming back from lunch today when i saw this tall blonde guy with long curly hair (would have been cute under other circumstances) with a distant, starry eyed look that mentally ill people tend to have, he was staring into the air and smiling at nothing in particular. here's the very sad part, he was dragging along what i presume to be his son, the little boy couldn't have been more than 3 years old...had the same goldilocks hair...i was just thinking, what sort of future does this poor boy have? if his mother could "discard" him into such uncertain arms of his father, she must be even worse of...he looks like an angel now, but he's all set to grow up maladjusted and living on the streets, how tragic.
the second mad person i encountered was this old black guy who was walking around swinging a saw (a saw!), needless to say i kept my distance from him. no deep thoughts on this guy, coz well...he was just plain dangerous and that's all there is to it.
third mad person...well, this person wasn't really a mad person, just obviously gay. he was wearing a ribbed pink top with capped sleeves, wore low-rider black jeans with a metal belt around his waist, his black underwear sticking out by about 3 inches...don't know what to make of people like that. if they dare to step out of the house, i can't fault them for courage!
oh, on a side note...there has been a good thing that happened to me today! i won two free passes to the pacific film archive theater...some lucky draw thing i even forgot i had taken part in. yes, hope things start looking up from here.
i'm sure there's been something good about my day, at this point of time i'm just wallowing too much in my miseries to recall what it was. but "always look on the bright side of life" right? at least the day isn't over...there's navigators tonight, which should put a smile on my face. and i'm going for this battle of the brain thing, where professors and students pit themselves against each other to see who is master of more useless info...it's a trivia game thing, ha...sounds like fun. just that the day has been ruined by the thought of having to wake up early tomorrow to go fight about money again (sigh, wish we could just do away with money altogether!). so much for my pleasant mornings. i guess at least the morning is pleasant, otherwise tomorrow will be doubly worse. i'll just turn my nose up high and say "heck" to the ugliness of real life and enjoy the romantic illusion that morning is all it should be...i.e. without monetary woes and unnecessary bureaucracy. k, smile val smile...weekend's coming. someone tell me why those words sound so feeble even to myself? i must be strong...on to do my homework.
~~~
wow...just read an email from my GSI. the graduate student union is going on strike to protest unfair labor practices, so i won't have english discussion tomorrow since it's led by my GSI...first time i've had an experience of the sort, definitely won't happen in s'pore! pity actually...coz i enjoy my english discussions, and there's a midterm the following week so we were probably going to do review. but this makes me realize my problems are small in comparison...see, there's good things to be found in life if you only look hard enough.
~~~
i was so caught up in lamenting about my sad state of affairs that i totally forgot i was going to write about all the mad people i've seen today. mad as in insane, not mad as in angry, because if i were to write about mad as in angry i would be writing about me and i've had enough of me for today, though after all this rambling i probably qualify for mad as in insane as well. anyhow...back to the mad people.
was coming back from lunch today when i saw this tall blonde guy with long curly hair (would have been cute under other circumstances) with a distant, starry eyed look that mentally ill people tend to have, he was staring into the air and smiling at nothing in particular. here's the very sad part, he was dragging along what i presume to be his son, the little boy couldn't have been more than 3 years old...had the same goldilocks hair...i was just thinking, what sort of future does this poor boy have? if his mother could "discard" him into such uncertain arms of his father, she must be even worse of...he looks like an angel now, but he's all set to grow up maladjusted and living on the streets, how tragic.
the second mad person i encountered was this old black guy who was walking around swinging a saw (a saw!), needless to say i kept my distance from him. no deep thoughts on this guy, coz well...he was just plain dangerous and that's all there is to it.
third mad person...well, this person wasn't really a mad person, just obviously gay. he was wearing a ribbed pink top with capped sleeves, wore low-rider black jeans with a metal belt around his waist, his black underwear sticking out by about 3 inches...don't know what to make of people like that. if they dare to step out of the house, i can't fault them for courage!
oh, on a side note...there has been a good thing that happened to me today! i won two free passes to the pacific film archive theater...some lucky draw thing i even forgot i had taken part in. yes, hope things start looking up from here.
Wednesday, October 01, 2003
jam berapa? it's just past nine, it's been another crazy day. i've done everything i said i had to do, plus i went for an undergrad research forum...basically just an info session (with free pizza! ha) to find out about research opportunities. was pretty cool...cause we broke up into smaller groups according to which college we belong to, so obviously i went to the social sciences group (coz psych is a social science after all), and one of the people on the panel (both a mcnair and a haas scholar, talk about overachiever!) transferred from the same school i did! so of course i went to talk to him...life's all about making connections after all...and he was really keen for me to apply, said he would help me out on my application if i ever needed it, so that's nice.
the tutoring interview went fine too. was interviewed by 2 people, one seemed to be a tutor herself, the other was just one of the staff members (ie. not a student)...at the end of the interview i had to do a "mock tutoring session" with the interviewer i thought was a tutor...was a bit stressful coz she knew what to look out for in my tutoring, but i think it went well. they gave me on-the-spot feedback and said it was good...so hopefully i'll hear good news from them soon. like the other tutoring job i applied for, this one will only start in the spring, so there's no difference really between the two. it's just that the more options i have available the better, naturally.
guess i'll keep this short, got to go study for my social psych midterm, which is next week. and finish reading portrait of a lady, i have 4 pages to go, so excited! ha...when you've plouged through 676 pages of a book, it's pretty thrilling to finally be near finished with it. it's an interesting book anyway, so i don't mind reading it, it'll just feel good to have another piece of "work" complete.
the tutoring interview went fine too. was interviewed by 2 people, one seemed to be a tutor herself, the other was just one of the staff members (ie. not a student)...at the end of the interview i had to do a "mock tutoring session" with the interviewer i thought was a tutor...was a bit stressful coz she knew what to look out for in my tutoring, but i think it went well. they gave me on-the-spot feedback and said it was good...so hopefully i'll hear good news from them soon. like the other tutoring job i applied for, this one will only start in the spring, so there's no difference really between the two. it's just that the more options i have available the better, naturally.
guess i'll keep this short, got to go study for my social psych midterm, which is next week. and finish reading portrait of a lady, i have 4 pages to go, so excited! ha...when you've plouged through 676 pages of a book, it's pretty thrilling to finally be near finished with it. it's an interesting book anyway, so i don't mind reading it, it'll just feel good to have another piece of "work" complete.
